A ‘presentable’ gift!
There is a story of a wife who bestowed her husband with a marvelous gift. Her husband was an extravagant and was a man of all vices. His ‘darling’ never got anything ‘special’ from him. Though she was given only ‘grievance’, her love never faded off.
His birthday was nearing and she decided to present him a unique gift. Though, he was the slave of numerous evils, she recollected all the virtues she had seen in him. There was hardly one month left to his birthday. Every day, she scribbled down one of his good traits in a piece of paper and dropped in a glass tumbler. In a month, there were 30 bits of paper. Embellished with a gleeful smile, she presented that elegant gift to him.
Totally flabbergasted, he opened the extraordinary packet and read each piece of paper. He was happy beyond the limits. His heart was deluging with a plethora of affection and love towards his beloved, who valued the good qualities in him despite of all the evils he was living with. He felt a twinge of remorse. That gift urged him to decide upon a new beginning . She was gifted with a blissful life, too.
This incident depicts how kinship and personal relationships can be flourished into entwined relationships. We live in the midst of umpteen relationships or connections. Each of them are having flaws and virtues. We accept them to our life along with those faults and virtues. Though there are several flaws within ourselves, they accept us despite of it. It’s the responsibility of each of us to guide others to a more righteous life. The wife in the above story is an exemplar to spouses, friends, colleagues and parents.
At times, silent diligence would be more influential than blustering advices. Or, that’s how ‘advices’ should be accomplished in reality. That was Prophet’s (SAW) practice. He never blamed anyone who broke promises to him. He has never resented at Anas (RA), who live with Prophet (SAW), for several years or never displayed hostility. Silence was his strongest reprimand. He appreciated and encouraged the trivial virtues even in a wee child. If anyone raged at him, he would defend with incredible patience and perseverance.
There is a well known advice of Umar Khatab (RA) : If you find one among you committing a sin, you must try to vitalize and guide him to the right path, and pray to Allah for his repentance and forgiveness. (Shuaibul Imaan 6690)
Following are the instructions from a famous psychiatrist, Dale Kargini, to foster heartfelt relationships:
Below Qur’an versa is a magnificent guideline in this regard.
… for if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. (Qur’an 4:19)
Though it was cited in regard to spouses, this is significant at all aspects. We get annoyed by seeing the thorns of a rose plant, but its beautiful flower brings smile on our face. We must treat our relationships in the similar way. We don’t have the responsibility to correct anyone as much as we have with our own vices.