Sew it, Fast!

“He has changed! After marriage he has got new behaviors. He doesn’t speak harmoniously to me anymore. He encourages her side for every reason, whatever she does is right for him, and what I do is inapt. He even accused me in front of her my dear! And I explode out crying! He used to love me more than anything. Never did he leave without kissing me and now he went abroad last week without even letting me know. He chose to leave from her house. I didn’t do any wrong to him. If I had, I am ready to apologize. Will you speak with him? It has been days since I ate properly, I’m tired, my dear! All I need now is to close my eyes forever…!”

This was a telephone conversation; all I felt was a quiver of edginess on these words of my Islamic activist friend’s mother. I Never expected that he would change like this. He had a charming family. Often I have witnessed the sweet relationship he and his mother had between them. Ideal family is what relatives and neighbors had to say about them. What went wrong all of a sudden? I tried talking to him.

“It is true that I was angry at my mother. But what happened was something totally unexpected from her side. She doesn’t like my wife. My wife is not very social and she doesn’t interact much with people visiting home. My mother thinks that she doesn’t like the guests coming home. And so my mother used to blame on everything my wife does. Did you know, after all these years working abroad, I don’t have any delicate secret earnings. Everything was spent on my family. It was me who looked after my sisters and got them married off. And now, they are all against me. And compare me with other relatives of mine and persecute with accusing words. I am not justifying my wife. There can be faults even on her side. But my family is trying to isolate me. The days had been hard without proper food or sleep, getting totally tired. Rumors of “faithless” relations, which we used to hear about some families have crawled into my family too. Can’t bear it any more…!”

What is the way out? There are upbeats and downbeats on both sides. They have their own reasons each. Things have to be resolved immediately without taking any side. Gap might widen if nothing is done in time. On this matter, they haven’t approached anyone yet. Even the closest relatives are unaware of this flare. Since it is hard to re-tie a loose string, this has to be fixed without letting loose anymore. Called him again and talked. “Whatever you said is right! Still you could have been a little more cautious. Aren’t we suppose to live without splintering any relations? It is easy to earn hatred but hard to win love and affection. Just try not to recall all those said by your mother and sisters. Think it as a nightmare crawled in without wishing for. If we drag it along like this, it will end up in unimaginable abyss of problems. In order to win at Allah you may have to lose out to fellow beings sometimes. Therefore calm down and lighten up yourself. All paths ahead will be clear only if certain things are overlooked and ignored. Speak with your mother at the earliest. Apologize for any mistakes from your side. Talk with your sisters too. Keep aside all the hatred and pray to Allah for them, I will too. Everything will be alright.”

After that, I Spoke to his mother. “Mother, what all happened was out of our hands. Well, it shouldn’t have happened. Whatever you said is right! Anyway, now don’t pick him up all again. And try not to compare him with others. He is as distressed as you. Why should you both live in such abhorrence? We have to work this out as soon as possible. You have to forget all that happened, think only good things about him. It’s  human dignity to forgive and bewail. And of all he still loves and cares for you. You have to invite his wife back. He will call and talk with you soon. Fill cheerfulness in your chat with him. Pray from your heart for him and his wife. He is praying for you too and is always with you. Even my prayers are there with both of you. Allah will fix everything.”

Soon he called his mother. Both of them cried feebly. And all the grief was seen washed away in that tears. On hearing each others’ voice after those long twenty days, they once again become a caring mother and an obedient son!

Hear ho! There are bundles of troubled relations lying unsettled among us. A graceful person’s rightful interference can be a cure. Compassionate and motivational conversations can reunite the broken string of life. What do we do if our cloth gets a tear? Widen it with putting finger in it? No! Instead sew it right away and join the gap. Correct? Let this be our motto for when we deal with problems, be it our own problems or of the ones we know!

English rendering of article written by Abdul Wadud
Translated by Aymen Maliyakkal

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One comment

  • Adhila

    Yes, gaps in relations are like a tore in a cloth. The more you wait, the gap will widen and it’s more difficult to sew. It is easy to earn hatred but hard to win love and affection, and once broken it’s more hard to make win it again. Thanks for sharing this experience!

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